My mental illness

As of last Friday, I finally went to a psychiatrist. I had been meaning to do that. You may be thinking, what do you mean “I’ve been meaning to do that.” Well I had been considering going to a psychiatrist to see the types of mental health problems I had. Although I didn’t know which disorders I had, I knew I had something.

After months of waiting for my appointment, the day finally came and I went. When I was there I was very nervous, I do not know why, but I was. My psychiatrist was very nice, she was a female doctor and that made me feel a bit more comfortable. She asked me a variety of questions varying from my eating habits to sleeping habits. Through all those questions she ended up with my diagnoses.

My diagnosis

Turns out my hunches were right. I was depressed like I thought I was. Not only that, I have anxiety and am bipolar. She also said I was anorexic. She sorta confirmed the illness that I thought I had.

My realizations

Around the beginning of this year I had started seeing really big changes in my attitude and how I would carry myself. At first I just thought I was depressed and would make progress and regress back to being depressed. NOPE ! That was my bipolar disorder. At those times I did not know I was bipolar.

I wish I would have gone to a psychiatrist sooner. I wish this because back when I did not know I would be so hard on myself. I would think I had done so much “progress”, but then just regressed to a depressive state again. But in reality it was just me going back and fourth from a depressive phase to a manic phase, which is common when you are bipolar. If I would have known this back then, i would have been much more easier on myself. But alas, the past is the past and I can’t change it; i can only change from my past mistakes.

My treatment

Since going to my psychiatrist I have been prescribed Ambilify. It is a mood stabilizer that is not only used to treat bipolar disorder but other disorders as well. At first I was scared about taking them because they have a lot of side effects.

The Side effects are:

• dizziness

• lightheadedness

• drowsiness

• weakness

• lightheadedness

• nausea

• vomiting

• stomach upset

• tiredness

• excess saliva or drooling

• choking or trouble swallowing

• blurred vision

• headache

• anxiety

• weight gain

• drowsiness

• sleep problems (insomnia)

• constipation

These are a lot of side affects and that is why I am scared. I am only going to try it for a while to see if it will actually help me or if it’s actually not. It also causes suicidal thoughts. In spite of the fact that there is a lot of side effects, I am hoping that this will help me live my day life “normally”. Although, I do not like admitting it, my bipolar disorder does affect me a lot on the daily. If I am I a manic episode, I am very irritable and very impulsive. I quit two jobs during my manic episodes. (I got to get one job back, but it wasn’t even the job that I liked the most lol.)

My depressive episode are even worse for me. I have no type of motivation and I barely eat. I cry about anything and everything. I once cried in Millenium park (a big PUBLIC park) because I could not find my debit card. I get very emotional during these times and will breakdown very easily. So, even though there is a lot of side effects that will probably effect me, I am hoping it will benefit me in the long run. I only got prescribed 10mg, which is on the lower side of dosages.

My Change

Since I am going to start taking this medication, I have decide to make more changes in my life that will help me. Since I am starting this medication I have also decided to start eating more healthy, while I have been eating healthy; I am now going to do it regularly. Before I would try eating healthy most of the time, but since a side effect of this medication is weight gain, I do not want to gain anymore so if I do eat I will only be trying to consume healthy food. I have also been working out more regularly to get into a habit as well. I am also considering going to see a therapist to get as much help as I can to get better. I am hoping that this will be my answer to my problems. 🙂

CALL TO ACTION

If you are having problems in your life and they are cognitive, PLEASE, go see a doctor it could benefit you. Do not be scared, they are there to help you. They will not judge you either. It is important to take care of yourself and especially your mental health. It is okay to have mental illness and there is nothing wrong. I not only made this post for myself to be more accepting and open about my mental illnesses, but to also show others that other people have their problems to and it’s normal.

  • Note
    • I will also be documenting how I react to this medication of the course of a month. So in a month, I will be back with a report, maybe even sooner if I see changes sooner. This is something for someone who may be considering taking this medication and want to see how someone else has reacted to it. Be aware that my experience may differ from yours.

    Leave a comment